I am becoming concerned about my brain. There’s too much going on in there. While exercising at the gym I have my ear buds in listening to music, but sometimes I do not actually hear it because I got distracted by something on the tv screen that has no sound. Then someone comes in the door and I get to thinking about what kind of person they might be but I look down at the timer and I still have a few minutes to reach my goal. The song in my ear changes and I get lost in the lyrics and then lost in the memories the song triggers and then I am back to wondering how my mind became like a rabid squirrel. AND, I remind myself that we are out of milk at home and I forgot to thaw out something for dinner and an appointment needs to be made to get the dogs’ nails trimmed and that reminds me that I need to schedule a booster shot. Good grief! I will not accept that this happens when a person is on the downhill side of 77. Wait a minute. That could be an issue. At my age there are so many memories, so many things still to do, and way too many lessons learned and a whole lot of trivial information that serves no practical purpose and all that takes up brain space. Just like a computer with a full memory gets slow and maybe even crashes, my brain is overloaded. So, maybe I am okay after all. Not really sure about that explanation, but I like it so I am deciding to believe it.

I used to do the same thing with religion — choose to believe it for about half my life until it just didn’t make sense to me anymore. Gave it up and became a happy heathen instead. Now that can be a mind clearing experience. I like making decisions and choices based on what is real and evidence based. I like that there is no reason for me to fear hell. Hell isn’t real to me. I really like giving up the guilt that goes along with religious thinking. I just do my best. The freedom to choose what to believe and what to discard is something I am way grateful for. It can be a challenge for those who knew the old me and expect her to still be here — but that is for them to deal with. I’m just going to stay happy with myself.

Spent some time catching up on the news today and as so often happens there is very little that is new and very little to be glad to know. There is still war in the middle east, in Africa, between Ukraine and Russia and probably several other places that are not covered by our news media. The world is still a mess, as it has been as long as I can remember, which is a fairly long time. Politics here in the USA is destressing and local news is all about crime and sports. I kinda like the sports part. Even so I am grateful to be where I am and living the life I have.

For the time being our country is not actively engaged in a war. For now, we have freedoms here that are not common in most of the world. There things that I am so very pleased with about the United States. I love that there are people here from all over world and I get to meet some of them.

The last time I was in an airport waiting to board I heard several different languages and saw faces the many shades of humankind. There were young families, business people, couples and single senior citizens. I met a young girl in a wheel chair who was going away to college and all excited about it. She wants to be an engineer. On the plane my seat was behind a young couple with a toddler who was curious about everything, as toddlers usually are. The little girl kept peeking at me over the seat and her father apologized for her bothering me. I was not al all bothered, rather entertained. We played peek-a-boo and, after getting permission, I shared my graham cookies with her. For sure I had a new friend for the flight.

Here in the small town where I live most folks look pretty much the same. That’s not awful, but it is limiting. I grew up in a small town and it was much the same as this one. Being a small-town-girl only keeps aspirations and vision small if one stays there. I have found that travel, reaching out to groups of people different from me, reading about everything I possibly can all make me a bit less small-town. I will probably never be a sophisticated urban woman, but I hope to be more informed, more open to change and more accepting of that change as long as I this life lasts.

It’s not a good sign when the first words out of my mouth in the morning are WTF. Nothing really wrong, I just was not done sleeping yet but the dog needed to go out and the husband got to the bathroom ahead of me. So, while keeping my knees close together I went to the door and let the dog out then stood outside the bathroom door until it opened and it was my turn. Not a lot feels better than peeing when you really need to. Very little chance I can go back to sleep but gave it a try anyway. Turned one way then the other and after cussing a bit got up to have coffee and hope for an attitude adjustment to make a better day.

Here’s the thing about an attitude adjustment — you have to do it yourself. So I took my coffee outside where I could watch the hummingbirds buzz around and enjoy the morning sun. It was quiet in the neighborhood and the weather was just right. Okay, feeling more like my cheerful self I decided that some toast and jam would be just the thing, and it was. For just a moment I almost brought myself down by thinking that I really need to go to the gym, even though that is the last thing I really want to do. Ditched that idea quickly and decided to have a day off from all the shoulds and just please myself. More coffee was pleasing and then a walk around the neighborhood with good music in my earbuds.

The husband decided to mow the back yard so I went inside to catch up on the news and clean up the dog hairs and paw prints on the floor. The rest of the day was devoted to a novel I am halfway through, a hot bath and grilled steaks for dinner. Now it is halftime of the Chiefs and Falcons game; I am a glass and a half down on wine and beginning to wind down for a good night of sleep. Such a simple life I have and I am so grateful for it. Tomorrow may be a pain in the ass, buy I will handle that when it gets here. Right this minute it’s all good.

This morning I took my great-granddaughters out for breakfast. They are four and six years old and have that special wisdom of children who are curious about everything. They keep this jaded old granny on her toes for sure. When I picked them up their mom had them dressed up in pretty dresses, straw hats, sunglasses and their favorite shoes. They were a hit at the restaurant with oh-so-cute comments all around us. I learned from the four-year-old that Fruity Pebbles are better without milk and that cats are faster than dogs. The six-year-old wanted to know if the sky dies. Well, eventually everything that lives also dies, but for the sky I suspect it takes a long time. She explained to me that Pluto must have died because it isn’t a planet anymore because it moved too far from the sun and somebody made it stop being a planet. I was also informed that shooting stars die before they hit the ground. We talked about stars that we see are really just the light from stars that died a long time ago but the light still shines for a long time. I don’t recall this from my first-grade years, but then that was a very long time ago.

We returned to my house for a few hours of play before taking them home. We had purchased new toys at the gift shop that took up a little time before changing to hopscotch and exploring the neighborhood for a while. The fallen leaf collection is still in the back seat of my car but I drew the line at trying to save the feathers of a bird that appeared to have tangled with a cat. I delivered them back to mom and dad and having gotten a kiss from their baby brother headed home to wind down a bit with the husband.

It is too hot and humid outside for me so I entertained myself with some television. On Saturdays I usually catch up on recorded Bill Mahar episodes and other items of interest. Rachel Madow’s documentary From Russia with Lev is worth watching. I already knew some of this, but not to the extent she reveals. I recommend it as a way to exercise the brain. I have found that there is more real information in late-night comedy than in news broadcasts and I rarely learn anything new from celebrity interviews and nearly nothing from paid political ads.

Learning, I think, should be a lifelong strive for wisdom. I grew up in a small town and then moved to another small town where I still live. Many of the people I have known have travelled away from their hometown only for vacations to places like Disney World or a concert not too far away. This is not the best way to learn about the world. There is much more of it than our little bit of ground and neighbors who are not much different from us. I am grateful to have seen at least part of this country and met people from other nations and cultures. And, grateful for books. Books about everything are free to read at the library and they can take you to anywhere your imagination allows. My hope for the great grandbabies is that they travel, and read and meet people who are very, very different from themselves. That they hear and maybe learn languages from the rest of the world. That when they are old like me they still want to know more.

This morning, I spent some time at the gym, which I try to do a few times each week. The stationary bike was my warmup next to two elderly gentlemen (I know I am elderly, but not as much as they are) who began to discuss the election. They talked about how Trump is going to fix this mess. One mentioned that Trump will put these socialists in jail where they belong. The other said that the woman doesn’t know how to be president. I just kept peddling. Then the man nearest me asked me how I would vote. I wish he hadn’t done that. So I told him. My vote will be for the Harris/Waltz ticket. Why. They actually know what they are talking about and Trump doesn’t. They respect the rule of law and Trump doesn’t. Both care about and have plans to help veterans, like you two, to get the services they need. And, she is more qualified than any candidate we have had for a few elections. I respect your right to see things differently than I do but I cannot agree with you.

After that I was treated to a recitation of his accomplishments, mostly false, and reminded that he is a Christian man, definitely false, and that the economy was better under Trump. So there being no point in trying to educate them I just smiled and said, “Okay. We disagree. But have a good day.” I moved on to the rowing machine.

Thankfully not all elderly men are cult members. A much older, almost 100, gentlemen who works out regularly and who often walks beside me on the treadmill while we talk came in as I was finishing up and asked how things are going. I mentioned that politics was getting in my way again and he laughed. “Oh, you mean those two? They were dumb asses when we were in high school and as far as I can tell haven’t learned a damn thing since.” He made my day, as he often has before. I decided to walk a bit longer and we had a good visit and a few laughs.

Maybe I forgot one of the things my dad taught me. That we should not waste time with idiots.