A few days ago my granddaughter was driving down a country road with her children in the back. The five year old called out, “Mommy! Look! That cow is giving that other cow a piggy back ride.” I got a big laugh out of that, and then I began to think about how fresh the world is for young children. How new everything seems and how many questions they seek the answers to.

I am seventy-six years old now and innocence is mostly just a memory for me. I remember believing that my deceased grandmother lived behind a star and she was happy there. Such a comforting feeling that would not remain as innocence faded away. As a child I believed everything my mother said was true and that my dad could fix anything that was wrong. I trusted adults to be truthful and expected to be safe in their presence.

As adolescence came along so did skepticism as I learned more and more about the world around me and the people in it. The caution not to talk to strangers began to make sense as I came in contact with more who were outside the circle of safety of my family and neighbors. Not all the kids at school were good choices for companions. Some might even be dangerous and it became important to recognize danger and equally important to know which friends to trust. Then, along came boys. Boys who followed you around, teased and clowned to impress. Boys who saved a seat at lunch or walked home from school just to keep you company. Boys who visited your brothers but wanted mostly to spend time with you. Sweet, respectful boys who were not at all dangerous. Other boys, those who embarrassed you with dirty jokes or called you nasty names when you were not interested in them. Boys who would ruin the innocence you still had. Boys to stay away from.

I remember holding hands and kissing. Just that. The sweetness of a kiss all by itself that was not the start of anything. Just a kiss that was soft and warm, the kind that only happens once, or maybe twice before kissing is the beginning of something more.

Once someone said to me that we wish for innocence we lost just so that we could lose it again. That may well be so. In the time and place where I grew up innocence and ignorance were closely related. Parents tended to delay some information as long as possible in the hope children would not make poor choices if they didn’t know about adult matters. This was not a particularly effective practice, but common nevertheless. Many of my school mates knew very little about their own bodies and even less about the opposite sex. Menstruation came as a surprise to some and was a traumatic experience that might have been less so had they been informed. Even in today’s world there are those who are convinced that young people get pregnant because they have too much information about sex. Not so. Those who are innocent, maybe ignorant, do not have the knowledge needed to make a choice that serves them well.

I have been fortunate to look at the world through the eyes of my children, grandchildren and now the great grandchildren and see it as a fascinating place. To take a walk with a three-year-old through the back yard as she sniffs each flower in the garden and is in awe of the clover and the bees buzzing around. So may questions. Why is that flower purple? Do rabbits live in those bushes? Where do squirrels go at night? So very much to learn and it’s sweet to see her face when a new discovery is made.

I know that innocence does not, cannot, last. But we can keep that sense of wonder, that joy of discovery, if we choose to. If we strive to look through the eyes of children the world can be a place of wonder, even as age dims the brightness of our days there will always be something new to discover, something awesome to see, somewhere else to go.

Yesterday the husband and I got our Covid booster. No issues yesterday, but this morning I ached all over, so I just laid around and waited to get better. That happened about noon so I had been watching first one news channel then another most of the morning. The world seems to be changing ever so slowly and not always for the better.

It seems that most of the lakes, rivers and oceans are contaminated with fecal matter. Shit. The water we want to swim in is full of shit. We humans are shitting in our nest. We have done so for many years and apparently just tried not to notice. If we realized what was happening surely something would have been done before all of our water is mostly shit. No, not us. We just keep doing what we have done and let someone else solve the problem. Of course, someone else, nobody else, takes care of our earth, our home.

It’s not just water. The air is also polluted all over the world. More and more people have breathing issues, some are deadly illnesses. The land where we grow our food is contaminated with chemicals. Even our minds are filled with sound bites and flashing images to the point of crowding out rational thought. Gloom, doom and tragedy oh my. But not everything is awful and there may be reasons for hope.

Like the young people I saw recently at the library asking for some of the political best sellers. Wanting to know what is happening and maybe wanting to do something about it. Like my great granddaughters at the park making friends with children very different from them and sharing their snacks. Like my neighbor who keeps his lawn perfect and while he is at it mows his neighbors’ yard just to help someone who can’t do it himself.

The most good in this world is done quietly by common folks just doing the best they can where they are. These acts of kindness won’t be a news item or receive accolades or change the whole world, but each changes a moment for someone. Just maybe this goodness will catch on enough for humans to work together to change the world. Hope so

Today I had the pleasure of babysitting the two-month-old great grandson for a few hours. We rocked and sang and we walked and talked about lots of baby stuff. Found out that changing diapers is a lot like the riding a bicycle thing; it comes back to you when needed. He is breast fed at home but took his bottle just fine and stayed happy during the entire visit. Then his mom came to take him home and it got quiet again at my house.

My son called today, which is usually a high point in my days. This was one of those conversations that began with “First, everybody is okay”. That usually means that while everyone is okay everything is not. The bad news always follows. So, my sweet, gentle not entirely mature adolescent grandsons were in a wreck. Both are not injured, which is the good news. The bad news is the car is demolished. The also bad news is that the car was old so not fully insured. I am still working on finding the also good news. Maybe by tomorrow I can say something more positive about it all.

The rest of this day was filled with mundane chores like paying bills, sweeping up dog hair, cleaning the coffee maker and pulling dying flowers off the Petunias so more will bloom. Oh, yeah, and I changed the bird bath water and took the dog out to poop. That’s enough for this day for this old woman. Time now for a glass of wine and a good book before bed. Each day has its rewards, the wine is mine.

Just decided that it is time, probably past time, that I put pencil to paper. Actually more like fingers to keyboard. When I began this blog several years ago it was just my way to record random thoughts and maybe record daily life for an atheist living in a small town in the bible belt. Did that for a while and enjoyed the writing and actually had a few folks who liked reading my stuff. Then life happened and I found less and less time and even less motivation to sit and think with my computer.

I retired about ten years ago and for a while had free time for writing, reading good books and enjoying my grandkids. But somehow I got busier than ever. The grandkids had soccer games for me to go to. I spent more time boating and then even more time selling one boat and buying a smaller one that my husband and I enjoy more. We traveled to New Hampshire to visit our son’s family and to Tampa to visit my brother and sister-in-law. I began to spend a lot of time with my daughter to help with household chores and doctor appointments. She had several health problems that ended with her death in 2017.

At that time my 19 year old granddaughter was several months pregnant and going to school full time. We decided it would be best for her to stay with my husband and me so we would be able to help with expenses and with the baby. Her boyfriend also stayed with us and looked for employment, which he took a while to settle into. We made a home for them through school, working at her first job and a second baby when the first was two. Time for them to be on their own, which they are now with the third, and last I am told, child.

About the same time that the second great granddaughter was born our grandson came home to us after being on his own for a while. He made his home with us most of the time after high school with a few breaks to be with his dad or on his own. He was struggling with opiates as well as the loss of both his parents in a short time. He moved out of town for a job but was only gone about a year when he needed to come home. Short version, quit drugs and rebuilt his health, met a woman he loves, got a really good job and the two of them now live together with her son.

My brother in Tampa had cancer of the bladder and had major surgery for that. He was close to death but recovered and is doing well now. My husband had surgery twice during this period of time. So, that is where my time has gone.

Now, just trying to keep healthy and enjoy time for the husband and me. The grands and great grands still visit a lot and need a sitter now and then. Love that part, especially since I get to send the back to their house after a while. Today was a peaceful and quiet Fourth of July for us for the first time in a while and it is nice. We even have plans not to have any plans for tomorrow. Ahhh.