It seems to me that we have little if any control over what happens. Accepting that can make all the difference in how life is perceived. The sun rises, it rains or it doesn’t, people go about their business and the sun sets and what I wanted or what I did or did not do changed absolutely nothing. Now, that makes perfect sense. But you see, I hate that. I want control. I lust for control. Being out of control freaks me out. I see those I care for about to make a really bad choice and I expect them to do something else when I tell them to. They don’t. World leaders are dong stupid shit on a regular basis and no matter how many letters I write or surveys I fill out they keep doing stupid shit. I can’t do anything about anything except my own choices. So, what now? Let go, that’s what. I find myself repeating “not my circus not my monkeys”. Ahh, relief. The world is on its own.
Today has been easier for me than some I have had lately. Why? I took charge of what I can do and turned my back on everything else. I went with the husband to finish settling his mom into her apartment at assisted living. She is not good at decisions these days so I hung her many pictures where I thought they looked best and she seemed to be okay with that. She didn’t want to “mess with” wearing hearing aids but she can’t hear anything without them so I changed the batteries and put them into her ears anyway. In short, I controlled what I could and let go of what I could not.
Back home I caught up on coffee drinking and novel reading and decided not to fix dinner because after two beers and some really good cheese I am not hungry. IF all goes well I have plans to make a short trip south in the next couple of weeks and a longer trip to the north east come summer. If all doesn’t go well, well that will be handled as it comes along. Not my circus not my monkeys.